#depression, Anxiety, Mental Health, Mental Illness, Motherhood, New Mom, PPD

The Three O’clock Blues

If there is one thing they don’t warn you about after having a baby is that you’ll grieve your old life sans baby.

Remember that solitude time you could have to yourself on a day off or being able to binge watch a show on Netflix at your own leisure? Yeah, I don’t either.

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Anxiety, GAD, Mental Health, Mental Illness, Motherhood, New Mom, PPD, PTSD

Today I was “That” Mom

I was “that” mom today.

The type of mom that society deems “unfit”. The mom that other moms whisper about behind her back. The mom who’s judged by others wondering if she should have been a parent at all.

I was “that” mom that stuck her baby in a crib to let him “cry it out”. I was that mom who put her baby in front of an iPad for 40 minutes because she needed a break. I was that mom that let her baby muddle around on the living room floor while she took a 10 minute break on Instagram. I was “that” mom.

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Anxiety, GAD, Mental Illness, PPD, PTSD

It’s OK to go Back to Therapy

One thing I have learned over the years when it comes to my mental illness, and living with my PTSD and GAD, is that healing comes in waves.

Just as my depressive episodes tend to come and go, depending on any number of factors, healing is the eventual next step in the process.

But for me, and for many others out there, healing has to be a choice.

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Grief, Mental Health, PTSD, Writing

When You Grieve the Good Memories

I think there is a misplaced standard when it comes to trauma.

Most times when you talk to others about living with a mental health issue, the focus of the story is typically about the painful experiences you have endured and survived. Lots of times people want to hear the horror stories of your past, or see the battle wounds you suffered over the years before you finally escaped. When it comes to talking about trauma, sometimes I think people assume that your past is nothing but painful memories, a whirlpool of pain and trauma that is unimaginable to the average person. And while in some cases this is true, not everyone feels this way, especially me.

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Anxiety, Linkin Park, Mental Health, Music and Therapy, New Mom, Writing

Songs Getting me Through Covid-19

Music is my medicine.

Well, no not really, but it’s a fantastic outlet that helps me find the words to express the sometimes jumbled-up feelings inside my head when my anxiety is running wild or my depression is leaving me feeling speechless.

Now that we’re living during uncertain times because of the Covid-19 pandemic, anxieties and panic are running high. While my anxiety isn’t necessarily going a-wall over contracting the virus, my mental health has taken a huge hit as I self-isolate with my baby and husband.

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Mental Health, Motherhood, New Mom, PPD

5 Honest Facts About PPD

I’m gonna be brutally honest with you. Motherhood is hard AF.

Never in my life have I experienced so many new challenges and hurdles when it comes to attempting to raise a “perfect” child. It seems like you can’t get through one phase without another one slapping you right in the face (or drooling over your face – Thanks, kiddo!) There are so many stages your child has to go through to develop into a little human being – the newborn stage, the infant stage, the shit-my-pants-three-times-a-day phase; all relevant to healthy brain (and bowel) developments, but also learning experiences for mama.

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Motherhood, New Mom, PTSD

When my PTSD Makes Me a “Bad Mom”

Three months ago my life changed in the most life-alterting, beautiful way.

While I never imagined I would get to this point in my life; after all the trials and tribulations I faced over the years because of my illness, and then nine months of complications and more trials and tribulations, I was able to welcome a beautiful, handsome, healthy little boy into the world. Despite years and years of doubt of being able to have kids, and the (still) constant fear of passing on my illness to any kids, I am so blessed to have my little beautiful boy in my life. Even twelve weeks later, I still wake up baffled, looking at his cute face, thinking, “How did I get to this point in my life?”

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Mental Health, PTSD, Suicide, World Suicide Prevention Day

The Scars Left Behind

Disclaimer: If you experience suicidal thoughts or have lost someone to suicide, the following post could be potentially triggering. You can contact the NL 24 Hour Crisis Line at 1-888-737-4668.

I’m not open about my scars.

For as dedicated and vocal I am about battling my mental health issues and reciting the stories of the rough roads I have faced over the last seven years, very rarely do I ever talk about the scars left behind. More often than not, I tend to brush over the aftermath of the wounds my PTSD have left behind, instead focussing on the silver lining of my pain, the positive healing that I have experienced.

While part of me knows this is because the remnants of my scars can be easily overlooked, there are also “scars” that are not as noticeable that would immediately make someone jump to conclusions. There are scars from my illness that didn’t raise red flags to friends and loved ones for years.

And even though my scars are something I tend to cover (both figuratively and literally), it is an aspect of my life that I also had to learn to accept, a dark part of my illness that tend to make many others look the other way.

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Life, Mental Illness, PTSD

Why Thoughts and Prayers Don’t Make Me “Better”

I’ve been told my whole life that there are two things you should never talk about openly: religion and politics.

And while I have a very liberal-minded attitude and I live more of a spiritual life rather than be devoted to a specific belief system, there is one thing that annoys the hell outta me as someone who lives with a mental health issue. There is one thing that makes me cringe a little on the inside, and that is when I’m told this:

“Thoughts and prayers are going to make [your PTSD] better.”

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