Tag: #mentalhealth

Anxiety, Mental Health, PPD, PTSD, Suicide

Mind on Fire

Amanda Wilson

Have you ever been so low that you’ve felt unworthy of living?

I have.

You can sense the shift right before it happens. One day you are doing well, then the next something is off. You have a twang in your stomach that just doesn’t sit right. Your nerves are on edge, trembling almost with an invisible anticipation – waiting for something to happen. It’s like waiting for a bomb to go off, counting down the last seconds. Tick… tick… tick…

Sometimes the shift is gradual, almost undetectable, and other times it hits you like a tidal wave, overwhelming you to the point you’re drowning in your own pain. Your brain runs on overdrive. Your thoughts are rambling. You become rigid with fear. Your mind is on fire.

Suddenly, the most terrible realization hits you:

Death seems more comforting than life.

Keep Reading!

Anxiety, GAD, Mental Illness, PPD, PTSD

It’s OK to go Back to Therapy

Amanda Wilson

One thing I have learned over the years when it comes to my mental illness, and living with my PTSD and GAD, is that healing comes in waves.

Just as my depressive episodes tend to come and go, depending on any number of factors, healing is the eventual next step in the process.

But for me, and for many others out there, healing has to be a choice.

Keep Reading!

Anxiety, Linkin Park, Mental Health, Music and Therapy, New Mom, Writing

Songs Getting me Through Covid-19

Amanda Wilson

Music is my medicine.

Well, no not really, but it’s a fantastic outlet that helps me find the words to express the sometimes jumbled-up feelings inside my head when my anxiety is running wild or my depression is leaving me feeling speechless.

Now that we’re living during uncertain times because of the Covid-19 pandemic, anxieties and panic are running high. While my anxiety isn’t necessarily going a-wall over contracting the virus, my mental health has taken a huge hit as I self-isolate with my baby and husband.

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Life, Mental Health, PTSD, Relationships

Why Spouses Don’t Get Enough Credit

Amanda Wilson

Ah, Spouses.

Partners. Lovers. Boyfriends. Girlfriends. Soulmates. Better halves. Pain in the necks.

What would we do without them?

When it comes to being in love and being in a loving, committed relationships, things will not always been smooth sailing. Roads will not always be pothole-free. Ships sometimes might take on water (or seasickness may endure, if you’re anything like me). But regardless of these rough roads we sometimes must endure as couples, if you both love each other and are committed to one another, things will always work out in the long run. And in most lucky cases, that big blow out or that troubling time becomes something to laugh at later on, which is typically followed by the dismayed, “What we’re were even fighting about anyway?” question.

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Life, Mental Illness, PTSD

Why Thoughts and Prayers Don’t Make Me “Better”

Amanda Wilson

I’ve been told my whole life that there are two things you should never talk about openly: religion and politics.

And while I have a very liberal-minded attitude and I live more of a spiritual life rather than be devoted to a specific belief system, there is one thing that annoys the hell outta me as someone who lives with a mental health issue. There is one thing that makes me cringe a little on the inside, and that is when I’m told this:

“Thoughts and prayers are going to make [your PTSD] better.”

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Anime, Mental Illness, PTSD

The “Two Faces” of my PTSD

Amanda Wilson

Image result for sailor moon symbol

There’s an old belief that everyone wears different masks.

If you’re lucky enough to have zero qualms about the skin you live in and are 100% living your best self behind no walls and no masks, then I extend a “Bravo!” to you. Loving and accepting yourself for who you really are must be a freeing experience; to live your life regardless of what other people think and loving all the flaws and quirks that make you, uniquely you.

But for the rest of us who still struggle with appreciating our flaws and being comfortable in our own skin, sometimes we put on masks to present an “ideal” version of ourselves in order to save face (no pun intended). We present these “faces” to the world for many different reasons. To display a sense of confidence, to hide anxieties or worries, to “mask” qualities in ourselves that may seem “undesirable” or “annoying” according to societal standards. Even though we are moving into an age where differences are uniting us and quirkiness is admired, many of us are still too afraid to reveal our real faces, to show our true selves.

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By wearing these masks, we create two different versions of ourselves, two different faces: the ideal person we want to be perceived as and the “real” us who we think doesn’t deserve gratification.

And just as we separate ourselves into who we think we should be and who we really are, my PTSD also presents itself as two faces. Keep Reading!

Anxiety, GAD, Linkin Park, Mental Health, PTSD

Losing my Shit Over a Sweater (The Red Flag I Ignored)

Amanda Wilson

If you’re a person who changes their outfit five times before heading out the door, raise your hand.

🙋

Now before anyone starts pointing fingers, I’m not judging. I am also picky about the clothes I wear, despite always reverting back to ol’ faithful (a tee-shirt and skinny jeans). As an adult woman, there is nothing wrong with this. Sometimes it depends on the occasion, sometimes it depends on my mood, and sometimes it depends on the weather pouring out of the heavens. (It’s hard to wear skits and dresses in a place where it can get up to -30°C without freezing to death.)

And while I have the potential to throw on five to ten different outfits before heading out the door – ignoring the eye rolls and the endless “You’re beautiful no matter what you wear!” from my fiancé – is not always warranted from being “just picky”. It sometimes stems from something greater, something more profound.

Sometimes my PTSD is the demon lurking in my closet (and in my fashion choices).

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Anxiety, Mental Health, PTSD

On the Days I Need Someone to Advocate For Me

Amanda Wilson

I love being a mental health advocate.

Putting my own story out there was both the scariest and greatest thing I could have ever done. Opening up about my battle with PTSD and GAD has been both a solace and a therapeutic experience for me.

And while I am proud to stand up and fight for all those out there still suffering in silence, I realize there are days where I need the same support. There are days where I need someone to advocate for me.

I take a great deal of pride in being the first line of defence, someone brave enough to put their own pain in the spotlight to help make a difference, to help someone suffering in silence. It is a heavy burden and the ultimate reward to voice my opinions and to turn my own suffering into something positive. Being this vulnerable (and exposed) while walking this path has been humbling, but there is a price to be paid for putting my pain on display. There are sacrifices to be made in order to help someone else.

But the bigger question is this: Would someone else do it for me? Keep Reading!

Bell Let's Talk Day, Mental Health, Mental Illness, PTSD, Uncategorized

Bell’s Let’s Talk Day is Back Tomorrow!

Amanda Wilson

Bell’s Let’s Talk Day 2018 is TOMORROW, and I’m preparing for an all-day event of sharing, promoting, and offering good and positive mental health advocacy!

It’s truly the best day of the year! 😀

Join me tomorrow for all the excitement and let’s raise money to support national mental health initiatives!

And as always,

Fight the good fight!

-A xo

Holidays, Mental Health, PTSD

Maybe This Year Will Be Better Than the Last

Amanda Wilson

Well folks,

Here we are at the end. Somehow most of us managed to survive the Christmas season mostly intact and if you’re anything like me, you spent the last few days in a haze of confusion while filled up on too many sweets and too many home cooked meals. It didn’t even really occur to me how close New Years Eve was until my friend texted me and asked what she could bring to our NYE party.

Oops. Keep Reading!