Category: Suicide

Anxiety, Mental Health, PPD, PTSD, Suicide

Mind on Fire

Amanda Wilson

Have you ever been so low that you’ve felt unworthy of living?

I have.

You can sense the shift right before it happens. One day you are doing well, then the next something is off. You have a twang in your stomach that just doesn’t sit right. Your nerves are on edge, trembling almost with an invisible anticipation – waiting for something to happen. It’s like waiting for a bomb to go off, counting down the last seconds. Tick… tick… tick…

Sometimes the shift is gradual, almost undetectable, and other times it hits you like a tidal wave, overwhelming you to the point you’re drowning in your own pain. Your brain runs on overdrive. Your thoughts are rambling. You become rigid with fear. Your mind is on fire.

Suddenly, the most terrible realization hits you:

Death seems more comforting than life.

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Mental Health, PTSD, Suicide, World Suicide Prevention Day

The Scars Left Behind

Amanda Wilson

Disclaimer: If you experience suicidal thoughts or have lost someone to suicide, the following post could be potentially triggering. You can contact the NL 24 Hour Crisis Line at 1-888-737-4668.

I’m not open about my scars.

For as dedicated and vocal I am about battling my mental health issues and reciting the stories of the rough roads I have faced over the last seven years, very rarely do I ever talk about the scars left behind. More often than not, I tend to brush over the aftermath of the wounds my PTSD have left behind, instead focussing on the silver lining of my pain, the positive healing that I have experienced.

While part of me knows this is because the remnants of my scars can be easily overlooked, there are also “scars” that are not as noticeable that would immediately make someone jump to conclusions. There are scars from my illness that didn’t raise red flags to friends and loved ones for years.

And even though my scars are something I tend to cover (both figuratively and literally), it is an aspect of my life that I also had to learn to accept, a dark part of my illness that tend to make many others look the other way.

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Mental Health, PTSD, Suicide

Six Years Ago

Amanda Wilson

Six years ago my life changed.

Six years ago I had to make a heart-wrenching phone call to my boyfriend.

“I don’t want to live anymore.”

Six years ago I had to finally admit out loud that I wanted to take my own life, that I had spent two hours contemplating swallowing a bottle of pills and ending it all.

Six years ago my life had reached a breaking point; I had hit rock bottom and I didn’t know if I had the strength to get up. Everything hurt despite my heart being numb. Keep Reading!