#suicide, Mental Health, World Suicide Prevention Day

A Note on World Suicide Prevention Day

Disclaimer: If you experience suicidal thoughts or have lost someone to suicide, the following post could be potentially triggering. You can contact the NL 24 Hour Crisis Line at 1-888-737-4668.

Suicide is never selfish.

I know that is a bold statement to make, but I will say it again.

Suicide is never selfish. Keep Reading!

Mental Health, PTSD, Suicide

Six Years Ago

Six years ago my life changed.

Six years ago I had to make a heart-wrenching phone call to my boyfriend.

“I don’t want to live anymore.”

Six years ago I had to finally admit out loud that I wanted to take my own life, that I had spent two hours contemplating swallowing a bottle of pills and ending it all.

Six years ago my life had reached a breaking point; I had hit rock bottom and I didn’t know if I had the strength to get up. Everything hurt despite my heart being numb. Keep Reading!

Books, Mental Health, PTSD, Writing

Lemonade Stand (Official Author Debut)

(Author Note: If you would like to purchase a copy of Lemonade Stand, selling information can be found at the bottom of this post!)

A wise man once said, “A dream doesn’t become reality through magic; it takes sweat, determination, and hard work.”

And I am proud to announce that after many months of hard work, sleepless nights, a lot of tears and frustrations, I can officially say for the first time, “I am a published author”!! Keep Reading!

Mental Health

Why Anime (and Manga) Helps My Mental Health

(Author Note: Find my top favourite manga/anime series at the bottom of the post! 😉 )

“Babe, why is there an Amazon box in the garbage?”

I feel my cheeks burn as I hide in my writing den, feeling the sheepish grin stretch across my face, “Oh, something I ordered a while back came in the mail.”

My fiancé is not amused. “What did you buy?” he questions as he finally steps into the door way of my home office.

My eyes don’t leave my computer screen, “Oh, nothing of importance.”

I’m met with immediate silence. I feel my cheeks turn hot as I wait for the impending explosion of annoyance.

“You bought more anime stuff, didn’t you?” My finance’s voice is an octave higher, his eyes looking at me with disapproval.

“It’s called manga,” I muttered under my breath, but I don’t make an effort to fully correct him. He’s not a geek boy. Yes, he’s obsessed with Star Wars, but he’s not super geeky. Not like me. He doesn’t eat, live, and breath the geek life like I do. Keep Reading!

Linkin Park, Mental Illness, Music and Therapy

Why I’m Grieving a Man I’ve Never Met

Disclaimer: If you experience suicidal thoughts or have lost someone to suicide, the following post could be potentially triggering. You can contact the NL 24 Hour Crisis Line at 1-888-7374668.

It took me a week to finally put words on paper.

It took me days to finally come to terms with the fact that one of my biggest role models and idols is gone. I spent several nights this week crying myself to sleep at the thought that I lost one of my favourite people to listen to on repeat.

Chester Bennington’s death struck me so hard I felt (and still feel) devastated.

In learning of his death, I was thrown right back to a time in my life where I too had contemplated taking my own life. Chester’s death brought back memories that I didn’t want to remember. Famous or not, when someone dies so tragically, it’s easy for my own hurt to resurface –  a painful reminder that it could have been me. I was physically and emotionally distressed Thursday evening. I had so much of my own pain wrecking havoc on my mind, and then trying to fully grasp that Chester had died, I honestly didn’t know what to do with myself. I spent hours curled up on my couch, crying hysterically because I was so upset. Keep Reading!

Mental Health, PTSD

The Symptoms No One Ever Talks About

Living with a mental health issue isn’t easy.

Having a mental illness is and remains a life-altering experience for people like me. It’s fighting a battle that is silent and invisible – struggling with something that you can’t physically grasp. A war raging against your own self is a war that is not easily fought – or easily won.

But by far, the hardest thing for me to accept was not just trying to come to terms with living with a mental illness, it was also having to learn and understand all the symptoms that came along with it.

The day I was “officially” diagnosed – meaning my psych evaluation was finally put on paper – I remember sitting in a cramped office space with a mental health counsellor and she looked at me and bluntly said, “You have Post-traumatic stress disorder and general anxiety disorder with OCD tendencies.”

My first thought was, That’s a freaking mouthful. Try saying that three times fast. Keep Reading!

Mental Health, PTSD

I Woke Up Happy Today

I woke up happy today.

And to you that may seem strange. You woke up happy? Why wouldn’t you wake up happy? Sure, everyone has their complaints in the morning – it’s raining, again? – the coffee hasn’t kicked in yet, you’re still trying to wipe the fog from your brain in the shower. Sure, not everyone wakes up happy as soon as they pop their eyelids open, but why wouldn’t you be happy?

Because the truth of the matter is I don’t wake up happy every day.

It’s not because I haven’t accepted the normality of my life and that I sometimes take for granted how precious each and every day is. It’s not because I sometimes just don’t see the beauty in the small things – a sunny day, a good morning kiss from my fiancé, a nightmare-free sleep, because I do appreciate all of those things. It’s just that sometimes, despite the weather, despite how long it takes my morning latte to kick in, despite the affection I get from my fur babies as I untangle myself from my bed sheets – sometimes I just don’t wake up happy.

Because sometimes my mental illness doesn’t let me wake up happy. Keep Reading!

Pets, PTSD

Miesha and Me (and Battling PTSD)

They say good things come in small packages.

And rightfully so, I cannot argue against that logic. Good things do come in small packages – my university acceptance letters did, my engagement ring (hehe!), and the countless books I ordered off of Amazon.

Good things do come in small packages.

But, there is one thing in my life that came in a giant package. Or rather, a cute black leather carry-on bag.

My baby girl, my drool-bag, my giant-ass English mastiff, Miesha! Keep Reading!

LBGTQ2S, Mental Health, PTSD

How Owning my Bisexuality Helped my PTSD

It’s hard to believe we are already two weeks into the month of June!

The weather is getting sunnier (but a bit rainier here in NL), the days are getting longer, BBQ season is back (Hurray!), and the leaves are starting to bud on my Crabtree! I love this time of the year, especially after six months of grey skies and twelve-foot snowbanks. I’m born to love the cold, but I can’t help but appreciate the summer as well.

I love summer.

But June is also an amazing month for another reason.

It’s Pride Month! Keep Reading!

Writing

The Woes of a Millennial

(Rambling) Food for thought.

The Woes of a Millennial

I come from a generation where we are both revered and highly criticized, where success is measured by how many likes you can get on an Instagram post and how finding true love is equated to a mathematical code where you are paired with “matching” individuals – or if you’re not interested, you can just swipe left.

A generation that has been deemed “over-zealous” and “self-righteous”, and sinners for putting science before religion. A generation that is so underemployed and consumed by mountains of debt that suicide rates for young adults is the seconding leading cause of death to our nation. But let’s not talk about that, let’s talk about how my generation is responsible for the demise of fabric softener companies. (You think I’m kidding? Google it.)

So what generation am I talking about?

I’m a person who is over-education, underemployed, godless, and selfish?

Who am I?

That’s right. I’m a Millennial. Keep Reading!